Say goodbye to the ‘tiger mom’. Welcome to the school of jellyfish parenting

I feel this. In China too, so many of the students in my class have countless after school lessons/clubs/activities.

I read it in Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting too, which I really need to get around to finishing.

“Few parents have the courage and independence to care more for their children’s happiness than for their success.”2 In extreme cases, the “press for success” can reach a fever pitch, such that the child’s present is essentially mortgaged to the future. Activities that might bring meaning or enjoyment are sacrificed in a ceaseless effort to prepare for Harvard (I’ve come to refer to this process as “Preparation H”). The bottom line is never far from the minds of such parents, who weigh every decision about what their children do in school, or even after school, against the yardstick of how it might contribute to future glories. They are not raising children so much as living résumés, and by the time high school arrives, the kids have learned to sign up for activities strictly to impress college admissions committees, ignoring (or, eventually, losing sight of) what they personally find interesting in the here-and-now.

Now is now, it can never be anything else wrote Laura Ingalls Wilder. It’s all we have. We should never wish a minute of it away. Not even when we’re tired, when we’re excited about what’s next, when we’re frustrated with how things are going. We never get this moment back. When you find yourself rushing, remind yourself, as we’ve said, where you are rushing towards. And remember that someday you would do anything to get back here to this very thing you are wishing away.

Don’t Wish Away A Minute Of It - The Daily Dad

You need to honor work by not working. You need to not be all about business.

Don’t Be Always Working

What kids actually want is you. What kids actually need is Dad. As Dear Abby quite brilliantly put it in a column back in the 1950s, “If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money.”

The Daily Dad

Ha! I haven’t watched BCS but this made me chuckle, comments are good too!

New promo images for “BREAKING BAD”, the sequel to Better Call Saul. Premiering just 1 week after the finale. Any thoughts? : r/okbuddychicanery

Adult exercise

Found this interesting. We want people doing exercise, especially as adults, but how do we get there?

As well, it’s currently the CrossFit Games currently and it reminds me that what the top, top, TOP athletes do in a given sport is nothing like what a ‘normal’ person who does that sport for fun/health does.

My Take on “Gladwell’s Law” That Elite Athletic Achievement Comes at the Expense of Mass Participation - Meta Bulletin

evenings and weekends

Yes to this, I don’t know how people can put the kids to bed and then do more work. I just can’t. As well, after working for 45 hours, I don’t have more work in me at the weekend.

I do not put the kids to bed and then crack my laptop to write. The gates of my brain roll down at 7 p.m. like a mall food court Chik-Fil-A on Sunday. time freedom and brainpower and then I had that additional kid.

If I’m on deadline, then I remove myself from the house to do it. Usually a bar on a weekday evening, because I struggle to bring professional energy of any kind to a weekend.

Everything Happened - vol. 215 - by Evie Ebert

A nice reminder for parents.

You think you’ve got your act together, then you have kids. You think you’re someone with a good handle on their emotions…then toddlers and teenagers alike disabuse you of this notion. Because that’s what kids do, they stress test us,

It’s So Hard - The Daily Dad

For example:

If I wake up and check messages and social media … would I like to spend that time in meditation and journaling instead?

Source: We’re Always Training Something - zen habits zen habits

The biggest barrier to creativity is feeling that it’s not for you. We were trying to bypass criticality and encourage them to be as free in making as they could be.

‘It’s manic!’ Turner-winner Mark Leckey’s dream comes true as he opens an art school in Cornwall

like this quote about doing things you want as a parent

The other thing I would like to say is that once you have kids we often think that once they get in a good sleep pattern, the problems go away. Kids/family always put a kink into training, no matter what age they are at. Just ask any father of a teenager. There is always “something” - school shit, sports, social issues, etc. Fitting what is important to you (for all of us, that would be training) requires some balance and communication with all involved. And it also requires that you prioritize. One of the best things that having kids will do for a successful, driven person is give them more focus on what is important (this is not one of those “KIDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER!” speech…I hate those.) Life is what is important - your life, their life, the life of your family. And YOUR passions drive your family. Your commitment to being “more than human” drive your family.

A while back, I read a quote that said something to the effect of “all of us have experiences, but very few of us have stories.”

The author’s point was that we’ve all lived rich and varied lives, but very few of us have spent the time turning our essential experiences into stories we can share with others. A single, well-articulated story about ourselves can tell other people a whole lot of what they need to know about us. [](…]

The cheat codes for life are worth reading too from the link.

The point is, when you’ve been conducting your working life at the speed of a freight train, it takes quite a long time to roll to a stop and/or point yourself in a new direction—toward a new way of being, living, and working.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself • Jocelyn K. Glei


Compassion fatigue

If your role requires you to be emotionally available and empathetic, then your cup needs to be filled and not completely broken. If student academic achievement is your focus, you can’t afford to enter the classroom in a depleted state for days on end. If you still want to be in the classroom in five years time, then you will need a safe workplace. Perhaps it’s time for us to start a conversation about teaching as an industry where employee wellbeing needs to be proactively managed, rather than triaged.Source: On compassion fatigue

Do not get in the way

As a parent, you need to let go. You need to let your child blossom. You need to think of your child like they’re a plant that you want to foster and grow in its most natural form and not hinder in any way. You have to let your child go in whatever direction he or she wants. When the child reveals a proclivity towards something, encourage them to go in that direction. Because that proclivity reveals something extremely powerful from within—it reveals what I call a primal inclination. Do not get in the way of their primal inclinations in any way, shape, or form. That’s the most important thing you can do.

Do Not Get In The Way Of Their Primal Inclinations – Daily Dad g

The Whippet 148

How do you know if you genuinely need rest, or you’re just using that to avoid having to go work out? He said you should go to the effort of going to the gym, because then you’ve already overcome the lazy part, and now you’re making more of an unaffected choice.

“Warning; before beginning a program of physical inactivity, consult your doctor. Sedentary living is abnormal and dangerous to your health”.
Frank Forencich

Via Nicholas Bate

Be a good steward of your gifts. Protect your time. Feed your inner life. Avoid too much noise. Read good books, have good sentences in your ears. Be by yourself as often as you can. Walk. Take the phone off the hook. Work regular hours.

Poet Jane Kenyon’s Advice on Writing: Some of the Wisest Words to Create and Live By – The Marginalian

Florence + The Machine - Free

The feeling comes so fast and I cannot control it
I’m on fire, but I’m trying not to show it

As it picks me up, puts me down
It picks me up, puts me down
Picks me up, it puts me down
A hundred times a day

But I hear the music, I feel the beat
And for a moment, when I’m dancing, I am free

  1. When you meet with opposition, even if it should be from your husband or your children, endeavor to overcome it by argument and not by authority, for a victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory.

Ten Commandments For Living From Philosopher Bertrand Russell

Guilt Won’t Help – Daily Dad

This job is hard enough. You are flawed enough. You have screwed up and will screw up enough. We don’t have room or time or the luxury for guilt. We have to focus on right now.

We get so wrapped up in numbers in our society. The most important thing is that we are able to be one-to-one, you and I with each other at the moment. If we can be present to the moment with the person that we happen to be with, that’s what’s important. Fred Rogers

There’s no reason to rush. There’s no reason to rush through bedtime or dinner or the game. There’s no reason to rush through anything or to anywhere. Because what we’re rushing from is our children and the limited time we get with them—the amount of which is never guaranteed.

So slow down. Time flies. Time flies fast enough on its own. Appreciate any time you get with your kids. Don’t rush away from it.. Savor it.

Daily Dad

“I’m a believer in the ordinary and the mundane. These guys that talk about ‘quality time’ — I always find that a little sad when they say, ‘We have quality time.’ I don’t want quality time. I want the garbage time. That’s what I like. You just see them in their room reading a comic book and you get to kind of watch that for a minute, or having a bowl of Cheerios at 11 o’clock at night when they’re not even supposed to be up. The garbage, that’s what I love.” Jerry Seinfeld

Cherish The Garbage Time – Daily Dad

Daily Dad Again

The point is not to discourage you about being a parent with these descriptions, of course. You already bought your ticket and now you’re on the ride. It’s just a reminder: If you go around expecting this to be an unending series of Hallmark moments, you’re fooling yourself. If you’re comparing how you’re doing to what you see on television, you’re being unfair to yourself.

This thing is hard. Really hard. There are dark moments. There are moments when you think you’re the absolute worst. There are moments when you’ll be told you are in fact the worst. But you have to keep going. You can’t give up. You can’t despair.

They’re counting on you. And remember: it’s these moments that exist between the brighter, happier, more photogenic moments. Could you have one without the other? Maybe, but the former should make you appreciate the latter while you have them…and help you endure the former while you’re in them.

Source: Daily Dad